One of the first times I paid attention to this woman, Erma Bombeck, was when she said that a house should be "Clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy". I thought it was her quote, but learned that it was anonymous. It sure smacked of her humor.
She was hilarious. If you read her books or even just a few of her quotes, you'd appreciate this classic American humorist who satirized the life of homemakers and family life. Treat yourself to some of her musings. You know how George Carlin pointed out the obvious to us? She had "that" same kind of "eye". They both had a way of helping us to see the humor and even ridiculousness in the way we go about our daily lives and our values.
She was hilarious. If you read her books or even just a few of her quotes, you'd appreciate this classic American humorist who satirized the life of homemakers and family life. Treat yourself to some of her musings. You know how George Carlin pointed out the obvious to us? She had "that" same kind of "eye". They both had a way of helping us to see the humor and even ridiculousness in the way we go about our daily lives and our values.
That one point Erma made stuck with me all these years. My take? "Good enough is"...good enough. The house doesn't have to be spotless. It just has to be clean "enough".
There's not a chance that you know who this guy is and he sure wasn't as humorous as Erma. Despite having sketchy credentials, he became the director of the Orthogenic School for Disturbed Children at the University of Chicago where he remained for 30 years. He was also a professor of psychology despite misrepresenting his education, He actually had a doctorate in art history and was "self-taught". Once he died, it was learned that he had only 3 introductory classes in psychology!
This man, Bruno Bettelheim, wrote many articles and books on psychology and had an international reputation for his work on Sigmund Freud.
When I came upon a book he wrote, The Good Enough Parent, I bought it, but it took me several years to read it because I was still so ticked off at him for blaming mothers for causing autism. He said that autism was caused by "refrigerator mothers" who did not express warmth to their children. Ugh.
This man, Bruno Bettelheim, wrote many articles and books on psychology and had an international reputation for his work on Sigmund Freud.
When I came upon a book he wrote, The Good Enough Parent, I bought it, but it took me several years to read it because I was still so ticked off at him for blaming mothers for causing autism. He said that autism was caused by "refrigerator mothers" who did not express warmth to their children. Ugh.
This book was not what I expected, but much of it was spot on. The content is not "rule bound", but focuses on helping parents to develop insight into their children's behavior in a variety of situations and how to manage them. I like the emphasis that parents should avoid creating the child they would like to have, but to help their children develop into the person the child themselves would like to be. He cautioned about our need to be "perfect parents". "Good enough" is...
Many of our lives are "crazy busy". We're doing too much all of the time. We need to re-think the expectations we have of our performance. Can we teach ourselves to accept "good enough" as the standard?
Yes, we can. But, as usual, it takes teeny tiny baby steps. Maybe the laundry is done, but we leave it in the dryer and pull out what we need for a day or so. Maybe we don't empty the dish washer instantly. Maybe we ask for some help. Accept how they fold the towels. Good enough is good enough. Maybe we have tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner...or pizza. Spend more time with them instead of "doing" things for them. Exhaustion should not be a status symbol.
Remember, the kids are watching. Do you want them to have the life you're living now? Teach them moderation. We can have it all; we just can't have it all perfectly all of the time.
Just do the best you can, Claudia
Yes, we can. But, as usual, it takes teeny tiny baby steps. Maybe the laundry is done, but we leave it in the dryer and pull out what we need for a day or so. Maybe we don't empty the dish washer instantly. Maybe we ask for some help. Accept how they fold the towels. Good enough is good enough. Maybe we have tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner...or pizza. Spend more time with them instead of "doing" things for them. Exhaustion should not be a status symbol.
Remember, the kids are watching. Do you want them to have the life you're living now? Teach them moderation. We can have it all; we just can't have it all perfectly all of the time.
Just do the best you can, Claudia
