Moms don’t take labor and delivery personally. We don't blame baby for the pain. Ben is giving birth to the adult he’ll become, so don’t take his "labor pains" personally.
Respond with humor and understanding.
Reflect his feelings and offer support.
Don’t get involved in situations unless you’re invited.
Don't get emotionally involved. Don't get sucked into the emotional vortex. Keep calm and carry on.
Teach him to negotiate.
Do whatever it takes to protect him from himself if his safety is at risk. (See the post I wrote just before this one called The Legend of Psycho Mom.)
Be receptive, approachable and nonjudgmental. Make it easy for Ben to talk to you.
Tolerate no substance use.
Be prepared with a safety plan. Act on it even if he thinks you’re crazy. His decisions could have permanent consequences.
Adolescence lasts for years and years. No anesthesiologist can numb you against this pain. No epidural will get the job done. May as well develop coping skills so you both make it through the rocky times.
Take a look at this previous blog post to get specific ideas.
Just do the best you can, Claudia
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