Sounds snarky, doesn't it? You know that family member I'm talking about. We seem to get it all here at the Dr. Claudia Show. Missed the show? Check out the podcast.
We talked about the different kinds of love. I've talked about this in a Parenting Pointer that you can listen to here.
The purposes of the husband-wife relationship and the parent-child relationship are completely different. You chose your husband, not your child. You and your husband don't share genes. You share genes with your child. Your husband is supposed to be with you until the end of your lives, but your child's job is to grow up and go away and start their own lives and families.
The relationships cannot be compared. Apples and oranges. I'd like for this daughter-in-law to turn the tables on the MIL and ask her if she loved her husband more than her son when her son was young. Hmmmm...
As for me, I love my son enough to love his father more.
He has no idea what caused this change in her. He didn't indicate any family history of bipolar or schizophrenia, so my best guess at this time is that she has undiagnosed Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.
I've seen this pattern so many times in my practice. Girls with the "quiet type" of ADHD, the Inattentive Type, often go on to develop Oppositional Defiant Disorder which is the next step on what I call, the "Continuum of Catastrophe" with ADHD. Oppositional Defiant Disorder is exactly what it sounds like.
The next step is Conduct Disorder where laws, people and property are violated. She's right there.
Patrick's daughter needs an assessment to find out what's going on. However, she's on such a rapid course of self-destruction that she might need to be placed in a residential treatment center. Before taking that step, the family needs to consult with an Independent Education Consultant who has their finger on the pulse of these facilities and who can make an accurate placement choice.
To find an educational consultant, check out this link.
Check out the podcast for the full discussion. Also, here's a blog post that gives you the highlights of my concerns.
If your child needs a speech or language assessment, go to the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association for referrals in your area. This kind of assessment is usually covered by insurance as a medical necessity, is painless and will tell you how well your child is using language.
Language deficits take a long time to treat, so make sure you observe your child's therapy session, get homework from the therapist and pass it on to the grandfamily if your child spends a significant amount of time with them.
Language deficits are tricky. I always say, "Once a language processing problem, always language processing problems". Don't let a year go by without having your child's language evaluated by a private practicing clinician...even if your child has been dismissed because their goals were reached. Don't get caught off guard.
Certainly, Christine should dissect the events to learn more about people so she doesn't fall into this trap again.
There's a really great list of 200 questions that will help you get to know people. This list is not only important for adults, but kids, too. They need to learn how to ask questions to determine if they want this person in their life or not.
The questions are informal and, of course, not to be asked all at once!
Try it out.
See you next week on the radio. On Labor Day, September 2, we're going to a 3-hour weekday format. Listen for us from 9-12 Pacific, 11-2 Central and 12-3 Eastern. Play along!
Join me on Facebook at Dr. Claudia McCulloch.
At DrClaudia.net, click on the "Ask Me" button and send me a question.
Sign up for Sunday "wrap-up/newsletter" and get all 5 blog posts and 5 Parenting Pointers delivered to your digital door.