I've had students who have been diagnosed with diabetes, cancer, brain tumors, traumatic brain injury and seizures. They've lost their homes, their parents, everything that meant anything to them and they just could not keep up. They should not have to suffer a lifetime of "less than" because of these situations. They can recover and go on and get the education of their dreams by attending community college, doing well and transferring to another university or college in their junior year.
High school is big time. The stakes are big and the consequences can be life-altering. I describe these years as being "perilously wonderful" because finally, the age of true competition and coping skills has arrived. It's the time of "show us what you've got!" During our August 18th segment on The Ranch, we talked about how high school is the time when your kids handle "the big ticket" items such as driving, dating, exploring their independence and they are expected to manage sports, academic and social tasks without a lot of interference from good old "mom and dad". It's their debut. It's your first chance to see how well they have mastered the skills you taught them...or thought you taught them. High school is "show time" because their academic performance just might predict the trajectory of their future. If they are college-bound, picking the "right" classes, the "right" activities and getting that "right" GPA may determine which "tier" of college they'll be eligible for, but in reality, this is the least of your worries. Why do I say this? Because it's true. I've had high school clients who I thought would be sitting in jail instead of a classroom end up in high prestige universities. When I worked with them, they had serious behavioral problems, horrible grades, substance abuse issues, you name it. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I got calls from them telling me that they had done well in community college with the accommodations based on the "old" testing I had done and needed an updated assessment in order to transition as a junior into major universities. What a wonderful relief to see that had survived "themselves". Some kids need time and experience to mature. Some of them need a different setting with the proper support to realize they are smart and can do the work. Some of them need vocational programs to develop a skill and then, supplement that skill with business classes in order to build a plumbing empire. Oh, it has so happened this way! Some kids have had sports or other injuries or have been sick. They may have experienced significant emotional trauma or life changes and struggled to manage academics as well as the adjustment to their "new lives". I've had students who have been diagnosed with diabetes, cancer, brain tumors, traumatic brain injury and seizures. They've lost their homes, their parents, everything that meant anything to them and they just could not keep up. They should not have to suffer a lifetime of "less than" because of these situations. They can recover and go on and get the education of their dreams by attending community college, doing well and transferring to another university or college in their junior year. Now, as for you parents. Hands off. Let them make their mistakes while they are still living at home. For every ounce of mistakes they make, they earn a ton of experience and judgment. Control your own anxiety. Let them get "out there" with reasonable approaches to developing trust. Understand "what" they are going through. Develop strategies to become a mentor and facilitator instead of a dictating parent. Don't expect your son to go to college and immediately know how to make healthy choices if he has not had practice in a semi-controlled environment. Your daughter won't learn about the safety issues associated with being a young woman if she doesn't ask the questions and get reasonable (that's "code" for non-hysterical) answers from you. When they enter high school, get some basic understanding of the college requirements. Start a conversation with a local college counselor. Develop your list of questions and make phone calls. Do in-depth searches. Talk to other parents. Get a sense of realistic expectations before the senior year. Learn about the high-stakes testing and financial aid. Look at how far all of you have come. This is just the next step. Have confidence in yourselves and your kids, the teachers, the friends, the coaches. Just do the best you can. TTFN, Claudia
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