Onlookers may see a child who's rebellious and headed for no good, but quite the opposite is likely to be true.
Although it's much easier to mow a kid down to the point where they're complaint, they'll end up following all kinds of people into all kinds of trouble. They'll never learn to debate, problem-solve or stand up for themselves.
Kids who negotiate with parents turn out to be more successful adults.
Aggression and verbal abuse are never tolerated but there is room for teaching. Kids' personalities develop when they interact with you.
Explaining the reasons "why" things are done the way they are and "why" it's healthy and helpful to do things "this way" and not "that way" develops critical thinking. They understand the world and become more curious.
Stop. Observe. Calm down and ask yourself, "How can I use this situation so that she learns something". Giving her some control may actually lead to greater compliance because she knows that you're not trying to control her, but that you're working with her to give the skills she needs to become a successful adult.
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