When you praise children for “who” they are instead of their effort and attitude, it’s not helpful and even causes shame and humiliation. But why is that?
Because you can’t fool most kids. They know when they’re great, when their product and effort are great. And, they know when it isn’t. So, be “spot on” when you comment about their performance.
Before you start talking, quickly evaluate the situation and determine which comments you can make that are actually true. Be truthful or you’ll lose credibility later.
When it comes to things that they enjoy, simply comment on your observation, don’t praise them. The activity is already rewarding to them and
if you praise them on top of that enjoyment, their internal motivation is likely to be undermined. It’s called the over-justification hypothesis! We have a name for everything!
As parents, we feel a need to comment on all that kids do, so stop it!
Claudia
Join me on Facebook at Dr. Claudia McCulloch
At drclaudia.net, click on the "Ask Me" button and send me a question.
Because you can’t fool most kids. They know when they’re great, when their product and effort are great. And, they know when it isn’t. So, be “spot on” when you comment about their performance.
Before you start talking, quickly evaluate the situation and determine which comments you can make that are actually true. Be truthful or you’ll lose credibility later.
When it comes to things that they enjoy, simply comment on your observation, don’t praise them. The activity is already rewarding to them and
if you praise them on top of that enjoyment, their internal motivation is likely to be undermined. It’s called the over-justification hypothesis! We have a name for everything!
As parents, we feel a need to comment on all that kids do, so stop it!
Claudia
Join me on Facebook at Dr. Claudia McCulloch
At drclaudia.net, click on the "Ask Me" button and send me a question.
