Well, it's the beginning of August (again!) and those anxiety-provoking back-to-school sales signs are everywhere. Just as with Christmas, the ads seem to come earlier and earlier each year. They're unavoidable and affect both kids and parents in different ways. Some families' response is one of anxiety and for others, it's excitement. Anxiety and excitement feel the same to the body because both emotions, from a physical standpoint, arise from adrenaline dumping into the blood stream.
Adrenaline flows freely when you are excited and when you are anxious. I have found that telling kids about these similarities and distinctions is helpful. They learn about how their bodies work and "demystifies" where their feelings come from resulting in greater ability to regulate their behavior in emotionally intense situations. This is a skill they need to manage adulthood. Adulthood seems to consist of periods of boredom punctuated by a remarkable number of emotionally intense situations (a.k.a., "terror").
Adrenaline flows freely when you are excited and when you are anxious. I have found that telling kids about these similarities and distinctions is helpful. They learn about how their bodies work and "demystifies" where their feelings come from resulting in greater ability to regulate their behavior in emotionally intense situations. This is a skill they need to manage adulthood. Adulthood seems to consist of periods of boredom punctuated by a remarkable number of emotionally intense situations (a.k.a., "terror").
Today on The Ranch, 99.1 FM's regular Thursday morning segment, we began our three-part series about helping families transition back to school. From sea to shining sea, across America, the school bells start ringing from early August to early September, so here we are, on August 4, talking about getting back into the routine. It just makes sense to start at the elementary school level.
For most kids, returning to school is filled with excitement. They renew friendships and enjoy the learning process. Very few kids make the transition without a glitch. Some kids have needs that require you to give added effort and attention in order to have a positive start. If children falter at the beginning, it may take them a long while to get back on track and it's a painful process. Because their emotional resources are being spent to cope with "righting" themselves, they pay less attention to the learning process and to developing their social skills. They fall behind.
If your child is going to a new school, identify one or two other kids on your block who may be a "good fit" and invite them over for brief, but frequent "get togethers". Taking them to the movies allows kids to enjoy a common event and your child does not have to carry the majority of the social interaction. The purpose of this effort is to make sure your child has someone to play, interact and sit with the first week of school. Once they get their "legs under them", they can explore other relationships.
Anticipatory anxiety, "the fear of being afraid" can be triggered when your child does not know where the bathrooms are located. Go to the school and explore as much of the grounds as possible. This will be easier once the school facility actually opens when teachers return. Respect the principal and reach out to him/her first. Emphasize that you will not go into the classrooms or engage the teachers. Limit your visit to 15 minutes. Take photos if allowed so you can review daily before the first day of school.
Anticipatory anxiety, "the fear of being afraid" can be triggered when your child does not know where the bathrooms are located. Go to the school and explore as much of the grounds as possible. This will be easier once the school facility actually opens when teachers return. Respect the principal and reach out to him/her first. Emphasize that you will not go into the classrooms or engage the teachers. Limit your visit to 15 minutes. Take photos if allowed so you can review daily before the first day of school.
Parents of all kinds comfort their children. Animals are realistic, so let's take some cues from them. When your child expresses concern about the first day of school, avoid saying, "You're gonna be fine". This kind of statement comes from a part of you that is hopeful that they'll be fine, but mostly, it reflects your inability to protect them from the things in life that distresses them. There'll be a lot of these situations. Practice.
And, speaking of practice. When your kids are distressed, remind them of the times when they were fearful and coped with it. They were fearful and they gave the speech anyway, slid down the fire pole, jumped into the pool and slept without the night light on. They did it anyway. That's the key. We usually don't feel "fine" when we do things that scare us, but we cope anyway. Adrenaline dumping into our guts makes us nauseated; our hearts beat fast, our mouths get dry and we feel light-headed. Kids need to know that they can minimize the effects of their anxiety through relaxation techniques.
Tell them you have confidence in their ability to do what scares them. You have confidence in their ability to cope and "do what has to be done". These skills are the essence of life, the essence of being an adult. And, isn't that what we are preparing them for? Adulthood. They get there by practicing their coping skills.
And, speaking of practice. When your kids are distressed, remind them of the times when they were fearful and coped with it. They were fearful and they gave the speech anyway, slid down the fire pole, jumped into the pool and slept without the night light on. They did it anyway. That's the key. We usually don't feel "fine" when we do things that scare us, but we cope anyway. Adrenaline dumping into our guts makes us nauseated; our hearts beat fast, our mouths get dry and we feel light-headed. Kids need to know that they can minimize the effects of their anxiety through relaxation techniques.
Tell them you have confidence in their ability to do what scares them. You have confidence in their ability to cope and "do what has to be done". These skills are the essence of life, the essence of being an adult. And, isn't that what we are preparing them for? Adulthood. They get there by practicing their coping skills.
If your little one is on their way to Kindergarten, you'll likely see much less of a separation anxiety response than what you saw for preschool. They've learned that you, Momma and Daddy, wi'll always come back (remember the Raffi song, "My Mommy Comes Back"?) and that they'll go home.
But, if you do see that familiar anxiety, ask them what they need. Is it a note in their lunch box? Do they need treats to share with their friends? These "transition objects" remind them of home, so they don't feel quite so far away from the things and people that give them feelings of comfort. They'll likely need these objects for a short period of time. Give them what they need in order to enhance their coping skills. After all, those photographs on your desk at work are the adult form of transition objects.
But, if you do see that familiar anxiety, ask them what they need. Is it a note in their lunch box? Do they need treats to share with their friends? These "transition objects" remind them of home, so they don't feel quite so far away from the things and people that give them feelings of comfort. They'll likely need these objects for a short period of time. Give them what they need in order to enhance their coping skills. After all, those photographs on your desk at work are the adult form of transition objects.
If your child has special needs of any kind, even they are not diagnosed, let the teacher know before your child enters the classroom. You know the saying, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression". If the teacher labels your child as being a "problem" during the first few days of school, that initial impression may linger, so don't let that happen.
Teach the teacher about your child and their quirks. Start the year off as positively as possible. Create a Fast Facts sheet.
Here are some strategies from previous posts regarding starting the year out right. These articles give you the perspective and information you need to "control the controllable"..
As usual, just do the best you can...
TTFN, Claudia
Teach the teacher about your child and their quirks. Start the year off as positively as possible. Create a Fast Facts sheet.
Here are some strategies from previous posts regarding starting the year out right. These articles give you the perspective and information you need to "control the controllable"..
As usual, just do the best you can...
TTFN, Claudia
