Nancy submitted a question through the drclaudia.net "Ask Me" button regarding her 6th grade son swearing when he talks with his friends. They're a family that does not use profanity. She asked if she should intervene and I said, "No". It's the teen culture and when in Rome, do as the Romans do. It's the way they communicate. She cannot monitor nor micro-manage the day-to-day interactions with his friends at school and their exchanges via text or phone.
As long as he understands and abides by the rules at home, then she needs to stay in her own lane.
I've written two articles regarding the reasons for and solutions to handling the "potty mouth" situations. What's the Big F**king Deal? Swearing and the Kids and Profanity is the Native Language of Teenagers.
We talked about writing your obituary. Not as morbid as you might think. Ever look in the obituary section of your local paper or online? There, you can read about those who served in World War II and people in our community who have contributed so much and you didn't even know about them. There are people with unique gifts and experiences. There are stories of heartbreak when children pass long before their parents. Gratitude. It's about gratitude.
Have you ever thought about writing your own obituary? You can't escape death and maybe it's an opportunity to tell the world how you see yourself instead of leaving it up to others.
Writing your own obituary has become a "thing". James Rebhorn, actor, wrote his own and it's the first one I ever read. You may remember him as the "screechy", hawk Secretary of Defense in the movie, Independence Day. Of course, he had many more sophisticated roles, but this is the one I thought most people may remember.
When I've read other obits penned by the now-deceased, some of them are outright hilarious. Love that sense of humor.
Websites such as obituaryguide.com and obitkit.com can help you with the process. I saw an article online that may help guide you in the process. Part of the article is about a book written by a hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware. Her book is called, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
When loved ones are "close" to the end of their lives, those of us who do the waiting have so many questions. My questions were answered by hospice nurses. However, I found this article helpful. This one is also useful.
As I talked with friends and family about this topic, I became aware of the concept of Swedish Death Cleaning which is a decluttering trend. I'm not going to follow this trend as I intend to live while I'm living and enjoy those things I treasure most. If I recognize that I'm "done", I'll give away what I want to and The Kid will just have to clean up the rest. I think he'll learn a lot about me in the process. I've been cleaning up after him for decades. His turn!
Chris sent a question via drclaudia.net's "Ask Me" button about her 9-year old son who has "full-on anxiety attacks when holidays and even 3-day weekends" are over and he has to return to school. Father feels that the cause of the anxiety is Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and dyslexia. Apparently, their son has been diagnosed with both.
I recommended a full, diagnostic assessment (not school-based) to determine the true nature of his issues, the results of which should used to create a comprehensive treatment plan designed to remediate his dyslexia and anxiety. If he has severe achievement issues, especially related to reading and writing, he may require a non-public school setting and other support services.
Parents should consult with the physician who is treating the ADHD (hopefully, it's a board-certified child and adolescent psychiatrist) about diagnosing his anxiety to determine if it's related to the stress of having dyslexia or if it's related to a social factor such as bullying. He may require mental health therapy to reduce his stress.
The brains of those with ADHD are vulnerable to anxiety and depression because of reduced dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is involved in the reward system and is related to motivation while serotonin is the natural anti-depressant in your brain.
This article will help educate you about the nature of school-based assessments versus those that are diagnostic in nature. And, this article is what I consider to be a "tutorial" on ADHD and will help you understand the true nature of what your son is dealing with on a daily basis.
Until you figure out exactly "what" is going on, you won't be able to develop an effective plan and the clock keeps on ticking..
The Dr. Keith Ablow article, "18 ways to improve your life in 2018". Quick, easy, meaningful. Might just be part of your resolutions/habits list.
Anita called regarding her 30-year old daughter who rents storage units everywhere she has lived. Currently, she has two and they are in two different cities and she's been paying rent on one of them for 10 years and for 8 years, she's been renting the second. Mother described the contents as "junk", but seem to be mostly things from her earlier life.
Mother indicated that daughter rents a room from a woman; she works in retail.
Mother indicated that her daughter is an only child, that grandmother had similar issues and that daughter's problems began in middle school when she began refusing to attend school. She was a solid student in elementary school, but was described as "shy". In the past, daughter has had friendships.
When given options about other conditions that may be impacting her daughter, mother endorsed that autism may be part of the issue.
I recommended that she get support from a therapist to learn about her daughter's potential conditions in order to develop strategies for dealing with her daughter as well as her own stress regarding the "thousands and thousands of dollars" that are being wasted. Clearly, mother has concerns for her daughter's financial future. Once mother starts therapy, perhaps daughter may be willing to join her in order to improve the nature of their relationship.
Daughter does not seem to appreciate her own problems and she is unlikely to seek support on her own. Mother may have to trade on their relationship in order to help her daughter.
That's all for now,