For today's show, we didn't have the usual ton of resources and references. I answered the questions that came over the DrClaudia.net "Ask Me" button. Unlike last week, there weren't a lot of questions about the holidays. Check out the podcasts on DrClaudia.net.
A Grandma (yes, capitalization intended!) wrote in about her daughter-in-law not getting her son to preschool consistently. He is chronically absent. Being chronically absent, which is 2 or more days a month, between kindergarten and 2nd grade likely results in needing remediation in 3rd grade due to deficits in foundational reading skills.
As it turns out, preschool is critically important to having well-developed academic and social-emotional skills necessary for success in the coming years.
As with nearly everything else I talk about, getting a good start is a strong predictor of later success.
I also talked out the need for preschool in terms of managing the "hidden curriculum". The "hidden curriculum" are those features of the school environment and schedule that must be experienced and are not readily taught.
The hidden curriculum involves behaviors such as learning to stand in line, recognizing that resources need to be shared, that it's important to raise your hand so you can be heard, and in order for everyone to get a chance, you must wait for your turn. They learn that adults other than parents and grandparents are in charge. They learn to love and respect their teachers and support staff.
Essentially, they learn the "rhythm of life in the learning setting". It's important. It's really important.
As it turns out, preschool is critically important to having well-developed academic and social-emotional skills necessary for success in the coming years.
As with nearly everything else I talk about, getting a good start is a strong predictor of later success.
I also talked out the need for preschool in terms of managing the "hidden curriculum". The "hidden curriculum" are those features of the school environment and schedule that must be experienced and are not readily taught.
The hidden curriculum involves behaviors such as learning to stand in line, recognizing that resources need to be shared, that it's important to raise your hand so you can be heard, and in order for everyone to get a chance, you must wait for your turn. They learn that adults other than parents and grandparents are in charge. They learn to love and respect their teachers and support staff.
Essentially, they learn the "rhythm of life in the learning setting". It's important. It's really important.
A Mother of two wrote in about the positive changes in her former husband since they've been divorced. Her primary reason for divorcing him was alcoholism. Once the drinking reached the level to where his behavior endangered her son and daughter, she had to make a choice. Logically, she expected that he would "crash and burn" once he was on his own.
My comments centered about the potential for him to have an adult attachment disorder arising from the poor emotional attachment with his parents. Her ex simply did not have the early emotional experiences and education that gave him effective coping skills to manage the social and emotional requirements of marriage, parenthood and a job.
Since he now has a definitive time where he is required to be a parent and he no longer has to meet the intimacy demands of a marriage, he is less stressed and hopefully, not drinking as much. He might actually be more satisfied with life because the demands don't exceed his capability.
Interesting how all of that works, isn't it?
My comments centered about the potential for him to have an adult attachment disorder arising from the poor emotional attachment with his parents. Her ex simply did not have the early emotional experiences and education that gave him effective coping skills to manage the social and emotional requirements of marriage, parenthood and a job.
Since he now has a definitive time where he is required to be a parent and he no longer has to meet the intimacy demands of a marriage, he is less stressed and hopefully, not drinking as much. He might actually be more satisfied with life because the demands don't exceed his capability.
Interesting how all of that works, isn't it?
A Grandmother-to-be, Teresa, submitted a question about how her former husband's new wife is throwing a baby shower for her "bonus" daughter who is Teresa's daughter.
Teresa's husband had an affair with this woman causing a divorce. They have now been married for 8 years.
Teresa feels that she is being pushed out of her daughter's life. My take is that if she makes a nuisance out of herself, her worst fears will be realized.
I recommended that she get into therapy to get an accurate perspective on the past events in her life and chart a healthier course. Teresa continues to see herself as a victim of circumstances. By learning more about "him + her" and herself, she'll benefit from the education and be able to drop her victim status.
Teresa needs to attend the shower, be the epitome of graciousness and make certain that her daughter is the center of attention. As she continues to show her daughter the evidence of maturing beyond bitterness and victimhood, their relationship will deepen.
Grandma Teresa's got to do the work. Victimhood can be very rewarding and the brain doesn't like to abandon behavior that is rewarding. Just be careful about "what" is being rewarded. Ask yourself if it will serve you in the long-term.
Teresa's husband had an affair with this woman causing a divorce. They have now been married for 8 years.
Teresa feels that she is being pushed out of her daughter's life. My take is that if she makes a nuisance out of herself, her worst fears will be realized.
I recommended that she get into therapy to get an accurate perspective on the past events in her life and chart a healthier course. Teresa continues to see herself as a victim of circumstances. By learning more about "him + her" and herself, she'll benefit from the education and be able to drop her victim status.
Teresa needs to attend the shower, be the epitome of graciousness and make certain that her daughter is the center of attention. As she continues to show her daughter the evidence of maturing beyond bitterness and victimhood, their relationship will deepen.
Grandma Teresa's got to do the work. Victimhood can be very rewarding and the brain doesn't like to abandon behavior that is rewarding. Just be careful about "what" is being rewarded. Ask yourself if it will serve you in the long-term.
There are some amazing events in life that you can't arrange and can't pay for. They just happen.
Such is the good fortune of a New Zealand woman who was swimming offshore and found herself to be surrounded by a pod of orcas. The video of this is remarkable and I swear, at one point, the Momma orca is enjoying the sensation of the woman's feet paddling right up against her nose. Check it out!
The video was taken by a drone.
Such is the good fortune of a New Zealand woman who was swimming offshore and found herself to be surrounded by a pod of orcas. The video of this is remarkable and I swear, at one point, the Momma orca is enjoying the sensation of the woman's feet paddling right up against her nose. Check it out!
The video was taken by a drone.
Months ago, I talked about a woman who married a ghost pirate. They "dated for 2 years", married and now, they have split up.
She paid nearly $7000 to have her name legally changed and worked as an impersonator of Jack Sparrow, the character from the Pirates of the Caribbean.
It was one of the oddest things I've ever heard about, but it was the bittersweet history of people being allowed to marry their dead fiances that was most fascinating to me.
Apparently, a posthumous marriage, also known as necrogamy, is allowed in France, China, Sudan, Germany, South Africa, Japan, South Korea and even the US.
Article 171 of the French Civil Code explicitly states that the "President of the Republic may, for serious reasons, authorize the celebration of the marriage where one of the future spouses is dead".
During World War I, the French government allowed hundreds of women to marry their intended spouses who were killed in the war. Decades later, this privilege was afforded to civilians, as well. In 1959, a dam burst and killed 400 people in Frejus, France and Charles de Gaulle allowed Irene Jodart to marry the ghost of her fiance Andre Capra. So poignant.
In 1987, Isaac Woginiak of Miami, Florida, died of a head attack before his marriage and a judge ordered the court clerk to sign a marriage license on Isaac's behalf so that his fiance could follow through with their wedding.
In China, women can engage in a spirit marriage, called a minghun marriage. Such a marriage allows the women to adopt a child to carry on the family line. The ceremony must include a rooster who represents the groom and the woman must take a vow of celibacy and immediately move in with her husband's family after the ceremony. Fascinating how people make life work for them.
She paid nearly $7000 to have her name legally changed and worked as an impersonator of Jack Sparrow, the character from the Pirates of the Caribbean.
It was one of the oddest things I've ever heard about, but it was the bittersweet history of people being allowed to marry their dead fiances that was most fascinating to me.
Apparently, a posthumous marriage, also known as necrogamy, is allowed in France, China, Sudan, Germany, South Africa, Japan, South Korea and even the US.
Article 171 of the French Civil Code explicitly states that the "President of the Republic may, for serious reasons, authorize the celebration of the marriage where one of the future spouses is dead".
During World War I, the French government allowed hundreds of women to marry their intended spouses who were killed in the war. Decades later, this privilege was afforded to civilians, as well. In 1959, a dam burst and killed 400 people in Frejus, France and Charles de Gaulle allowed Irene Jodart to marry the ghost of her fiance Andre Capra. So poignant.
In 1987, Isaac Woginiak of Miami, Florida, died of a head attack before his marriage and a judge ordered the court clerk to sign a marriage license on Isaac's behalf so that his fiance could follow through with their wedding.
In China, women can engage in a spirit marriage, called a minghun marriage. Such a marriage allows the women to adopt a child to carry on the family line. The ceremony must include a rooster who represents the groom and the woman must take a vow of celibacy and immediately move in with her husband's family after the ceremony. Fascinating how people make life work for them.
Strange, but true. You just can't make this stuff up.
During my regular Friday call-in to KSUE, we talked about ways to handle the two most uncomfortable guests at your holiday parties...the intrusive busybody and the bully.
Now, there's a difference, obviously, between being the host and being a guest, so I covered both.
If you're the host and you have the "intrusive" type of guest who insists on helping, enlist them. You might want to leave some of the more tedious and time consuming tasks for them. Ask them to come a bit early to help and be prepared to later hear from other guests how she (usually a woman) said you weren't prepared and she "had to help".
They're going to be in your hair anyway, may as well put them to good use.
Then, there's the loudmouth, mean-spirited bully who puts everyone on edge. He's the reason (usually a man) that people politely decline your invitation and you don't even know it.
He can't come. I don't care how important Uncle Harry is to your mother. He's a bully and always has been and you're just not going to allow that kind of behavior in your home. How do you explain THAT to your kids. You don't allow people to be bullied in your home and your don't put up with it yourself.
If you feel a need to, sit down with that person and tell them about the impact of their behavior and "why" they're not being invited. Oh sure, there willl be blowback from your family and some may even boycott your shindig. Oh well. Line drawn in the sand.
If you're a guest at an event, it's your judgment call. Either avoid or walk away or make a statement about the rude, intimidating and bullying behavior of the guest. You may never be invited back, but at least you didn't stand silently while others are being humiliated.
Bullying isn't restricted to the playground. It's everywhere. Do what you can to stop the abuse.
Claudia
Join me on Facebook at Dr. Claudia McCulloch.
At DrClaudia.net, click on the "Ask Me" button and send me a question.
Sign up for the Sunday newsletter. Don't miss a thing!
Now, there's a difference, obviously, between being the host and being a guest, so I covered both.
If you're the host and you have the "intrusive" type of guest who insists on helping, enlist them. You might want to leave some of the more tedious and time consuming tasks for them. Ask them to come a bit early to help and be prepared to later hear from other guests how she (usually a woman) said you weren't prepared and she "had to help".
They're going to be in your hair anyway, may as well put them to good use.
Then, there's the loudmouth, mean-spirited bully who puts everyone on edge. He's the reason (usually a man) that people politely decline your invitation and you don't even know it.
He can't come. I don't care how important Uncle Harry is to your mother. He's a bully and always has been and you're just not going to allow that kind of behavior in your home. How do you explain THAT to your kids. You don't allow people to be bullied in your home and your don't put up with it yourself.
If you feel a need to, sit down with that person and tell them about the impact of their behavior and "why" they're not being invited. Oh sure, there willl be blowback from your family and some may even boycott your shindig. Oh well. Line drawn in the sand.
If you're a guest at an event, it's your judgment call. Either avoid or walk away or make a statement about the rude, intimidating and bullying behavior of the guest. You may never be invited back, but at least you didn't stand silently while others are being humiliated.
Bullying isn't restricted to the playground. It's everywhere. Do what you can to stop the abuse.
Claudia
Join me on Facebook at Dr. Claudia McCulloch.
At DrClaudia.net, click on the "Ask Me" button and send me a question.
Sign up for the Sunday newsletter. Don't miss a thing!
