And for you, Denise, who wrote me and told me that I use "too much blush". I don't wear make up. I don't use blush or foundation or concealer or anything. I wear a little mascara because you wouldn't be able to see my "hooded eyes" at all. What you see is what I look like "for real". And, of course, lipstick.
Perhaps I am blushing because I get excited doing the show and just love the work. I'm an excitable girl, you know...
Cali's DMV receives 250,000+ applications for "vanity" plates and you're not at all surprised about that, are you?
Anyway, a lawyer and constitutional scholar at the University of Southern California is taking them on because they rejected his application.
Wanna read some truly amusing applications and the reasons for rejection? I know you don't have the time, but give yourself a giggle, will ya'? Here they are...
On a personal note, I lived in Southern California for decades and in my town, there was a car with the license plate that said, "IH8ACLU". Muwahaha.
A Dad wrote in with a question about his wife's strange behavior. From the sounds of it, she may be experiencing Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. This is a crisis situation and Dad needs to speak with the pediatrician as to how best to approach her. Dad may have to report her to the Department of Children and Family Services in order to get protection for their child and to "motivate" her to get help if she refuses.
For the benefit of the listeners who may be wondering about whether or not they or someone they care about is experiencing a problem with shoplifting, asking the following questions and answering them honestly can guide them toward the most appropriate action.
- Does shoplifting relieve stress in your life?
- Do you still shoplift even though you're aware of the possible legal and social consequences?
- Do you shoplift to feel better?
- Is shoplifting one of the first thoughts you have after waking up?
- Do you look forward to the next time you can shoplift?
- Do you arrange your schedule so that there are opportunities to shoplift?
- Have you ever stolen anything from a friend, family member or someone's home?
- Do you feel remorseful, guilty or shamed after you shoplift?
- Has shoplifting become an addiction for you?
- Has shoplifting replaced relationships in your life?
There are 12-step programs and other interventions for shoplifting. Consider individual or group therapy and possibly medication (Naltrexone) for the compulsion. Shoplifters Anonymous has self-help and support services.
The thing is, many kids have great organizational systems in their books and on their desks, but they forget to use them. Once again, the life-devastating gap between knowledge and execution. "I know to do it, I just don't". Ugh. Memory is one of those critical executive functioning deficits that plague ADHD sufferers.
How do we overcome these speed bumps?
1. Visualize + Motivate: Imagine how you will feel if you wait til the last minute and how panicked and stressed you are and how to promise yourself that you'll "never do this again" until it happens again. Then, think about how satisfying and even pleasurable it will be to finish without being a crazy person. Choose a path...then go to #2. What have you go to lose?
2. "See" time: Use analog clocks, you know, the old-fashioned kind with actual hands so that you can see time ticking away. Get a large calendar you can write on (may have to order online) in order to see the time you have to accomplish your task. This approach helps with that whole "time horizon" concept we talked about last week.
3. Task analysis: Then, break the task down into the smallest parts possible and record them as well as their deadlines on the calendar. If you don't achieve it, adjust it. You're in learning mode. You're allowed to make mistakes.
Make it incredibly easy for you to comply. It's not ridiculous to give yourself 15-minute goals with really simple tasks. Use the Time Timer app to appreciate how the clock is ticking down which should motivate you to "get it done"!
Remember, you're using your actual life tasks to learn "task persistence" (sticking with it) and the recipe for getting the job done.
You have to start simple. When you learned to read, you learned the letters and then the sounds that went with the letters and then, the process of putting those letters into a sequence so that the words you wrote made sense to you and others. It took a while.
In your case, you're both having to "unlearn" unproductive habits and learn healthy, productive ones.
4. Catastrophizing..."Oh no...this is a disaster!" If you break it down and set reachable goals, you can skip this part all together.
Catastrophizing causes you to dump adrenaline and cortisol, makes you feel sick, nervous and jerky and once these chemicals get washed out, you'll be left exhausted and worse off then when you started.
5. Your feelings...are you apathetic or anxious? If the task seems pointless, boring, useless, worthless, but you have to do it, then you really will have to break it down into the tiniest parts that are tolerable and then, reward yourself big time.
If you're anxious, it's likely the task is important and you're worried about failing. A super great way to insure failure is to not give yourself the chance to succeed. The more important it is, the more the fear paralyzes you.
Acknowledge your fear and give yourself the gift of success by embracing it, staring it down, applying your plan and get to work.
6. Got distractions? Do you wander off onto those fun websites or do you play a million games of digital Solitaire? Make your digital devices behave by using online tools such as SelfControl or Freedom.
Get prepared. Those with ADHD spend a great deal of time "getting ready to get ready". Get ready and execute the plan.
HERE'S THE DEAL...if you have had success working for 15 minutes and actually getting something done on Monday and Tuesday, on Wednesday, you'll experience "approach" meaning that you won't be in "avoidance mode" and find all kinds of ways to avoid the task! See? You're training yourself! Ah ha! Stress and anxiety reduces and dopamine dumps in the reward cycle of the brain. Success dumps dopamine.
Need more resources to wrangle the time and executive functioning beast? Go to www.beyondbooksmart.com and key into the search bar the following words...executive functioning apps and you'll get a lot of resources that can help you pinpoint your needs.
Don't be held hostage by ADHD and executive functioning deficits. Get the job done and shine!
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