Today on The Ranch, 99.1, we were just shameless! Embarrassment. We've all experienced it. It's a powerful force and it has a surprising history and a remarkable purpose.
Aside from the "wardrobe malfunctions" and the "silly season of politics", most of us have more common incidences of embarrassment. I never, ever in this lifetime think that I would be foolish enough to congratulate a woman who looked pregnant, but who actually was not. When I would read about this kind of incident, I would arrogantly think that I would never be so foolish. Well, I am and I did. She was new to our building and I encountered her as she carried her coffee into the elevator one morning. I made a comment that she "must be looking forward to a busy summer". When she said, "Why?" I felt the sudden rush of adrenaline and then proceeded to stammer and stumble and was incredibly relieved when the elevator reached my floor. I swear, I slithered out into the hallway.
Aside from the "wardrobe malfunctions" and the "silly season of politics", most of us have more common incidences of embarrassment. I never, ever in this lifetime think that I would be foolish enough to congratulate a woman who looked pregnant, but who actually was not. When I would read about this kind of incident, I would arrogantly think that I would never be so foolish. Well, I am and I did. She was new to our building and I encountered her as she carried her coffee into the elevator one morning. I made a comment that she "must be looking forward to a busy summer". When she said, "Why?" I felt the sudden rush of adrenaline and then proceeded to stammer and stumble and was incredibly relieved when the elevator reached my floor. I swear, I slithered out into the hallway.
That rush I felt was the "fight-flight" reaction to threat and/or panic. It's the "get me outta here" thinking. It can be such an intense feeling that you find yourself avoiding the people and the setting where the incident took place. I can't avoid my office building! Uh oh...what to do...First things first. We need to understand the very powerful nature of embarrassment and its purpose.
Embarrassment is a self-conscious emotion (duh!) because we are thinking about and are concerned about how others see us. It's related to shame, but it's different. Shame hurts more because you focus on yourself..."How could I be so stupid!" These are the events that you recall from childhood that make you feel bad. They're not embarrassment, they're shame. Ugh. Either way, it's not fun to recall these situations.
Embarrassment is an evolutionary dynamic. When we were primitive and did not have verbal skills, we needed a physical way to show remorse for breaking social norms. Blushing, sweating, and nervous laughter are genuine ways to show you are sorry for your conduct. Mere words cannot convey the same authentic feelings. Remember when Jennifer Lawrence tripped twice while going up the steps at the Oscars? Her response was so charming and endearing that her popularity skyrocketed because she behaved in such a self-deprecating way that you'd never have known she was a huge star. Ms. Lawrence is probably unaware that her nervous giggling helped to lower her heart rate and allowed her to give the acceptance speeches with genuine feeling!
Showing embarrassment goes a long way to repairing the relationship which all comes down to being accepted. If you are not accepted and are living outside the tribe or the family unit, your safety and the chances of survival are greatly diminished.
Showing embarrassment goes a long way to repairing the relationship which all comes down to being accepted. If you are not accepted and are living outside the tribe or the family unit, your safety and the chances of survival are greatly diminished.
Embarrassment is a universal emotion. Everyone feels it except babies. Between the ages of 18 and 24 months, toddlers realize that they're the person in the mirror, self-awareness kicks in and embarrassment becomes possible.
Brain research proves that those people who are easily embarrassed have a thumb-sized portion of their brains that are larger than those people who are resistant to being embarrassed.
Brain research proves that those people who are easily embarrassed have a thumb-sized portion of their brains that are larger than those people who are resistant to being embarrassed.
Now that you know the origins of embarrassment and its purpose, get over it. Know that people who show embarrassment are seen as more genuine, trustworthy and cooperative. Think about embarrassing situations like driving on ice. Turn into the skid, there's less damage. If you feel embarrassed, embrace it. Acknowledge your feelings right away and others will comfort you because they don't want you feeling badly. If you feel embarrassed later, turn it into a funny story. Remember, our perception of the event is far worse than how others perceived it.
Be generous. When someone else does something embarrassing, be kind. Karma is, indeed, a boomerang.
Be generous. When someone else does something embarrassing, be kind. Karma is, indeed, a boomerang.
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