Hilarious Radio Award! Ha...Today on The Ranch, 99.1 FM, we talked about factors and situations you may not have considered that unknowingly put your child at risk. We "finished off" our "teenage driver" series by talking about the potential dangers from predators when your kids are "out there".
First things first. Be mindful about the kind of car you buy your daughter. If it's one of those little pink VW Beetles/Bugs that screams "I'm a girl!", you might just be making it easier for predators to target her. If she decorates her car with "girly stuff", she may get unwanted attention. Think this is over the top? Hysterical? I learned this information from a Florida State Trooper who was the father of one of my students in my first year of teaching (1975). I changed out my "vanity plate" and made sure there was nothing visible that indicated that the car belonged to a woman. I couldn't live with the consequences of disregarding the information. Predators haven't changed, either. Same stuff, different decade.
First things first. Be mindful about the kind of car you buy your daughter. If it's one of those little pink VW Beetles/Bugs that screams "I'm a girl!", you might just be making it easier for predators to target her. If she decorates her car with "girly stuff", she may get unwanted attention. Think this is over the top? Hysterical? I learned this information from a Florida State Trooper who was the father of one of my students in my first year of teaching (1975). I changed out my "vanity plate" and made sure there was nothing visible that indicated that the car belonged to a woman. I couldn't live with the consequences of disregarding the information. Predators haven't changed, either. Same stuff, different decade.
Give your kids, especially your daughters, permission to not accept what they "think" they see. If they are pulled over by someone in an "unmarked car" with a single flashing light, they should become suspicious immediately. Give her permission to dial 911 and ask about the vehicle that pulled her over and request help in the form of a backup unit. The dispatcher will stay on the line with her. She'll need the support if the "officer" shouts at her, threatens her and becomes verbally or physically aggressive. She should take a photo of the "officer. She should call you immediately and NOT put her window down more than 2 inches. She needs to ask for a business card, especially if the officer is in "plain clothes". Anyone can get their hands on a police uniform or a flashing light. Though she may feel the need to escape, if she flees, it will be very difficult to locate her. This kind of incident is likely to happen in an isolated area, so there's nowhere to run. Predators are exquisite hunters. They often know how their "prey" will respond.
Two of the best books you can read about this kind of judgment are by Gavin de Becker, a security specialist. The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift. You're likely to get them on Amazon. They'll find them for you if they're not readily available. These books will teach you the kind of thinking you need in order to educate your children without scaring them.
These books offer specific information about strategies that predators use. For example, never park next to a van with sliding doors. If you come into the parking lot and find that a van with sliding doors has parked next to you, get in on the other side. Women get into trouble when we "talk ourselves out of our instincts". Our survival and our behavior centers around "tending and befriending". It's an ancient tradition. Predators rely on our "cooperation". Teach your children not to be embarrassed to ask for help. Read about it. You'll be shocked at what you learn and scared that you're learning it only now.
Remember not to deluge your kid with this information. Pace yourself and wait for teachable moments. Pulling into the parking lot at the mall with your daughter in the car? Problem solve aloud..."No, not parking here. Not safe to park next to a van with sliding doors"...the conversation will begin naturally. The experience of the event will be so much more powerful than you just telling her.
These books offer specific information about strategies that predators use. For example, never park next to a van with sliding doors. If you come into the parking lot and find that a van with sliding doors has parked next to you, get in on the other side. Women get into trouble when we "talk ourselves out of our instincts". Our survival and our behavior centers around "tending and befriending". It's an ancient tradition. Predators rely on our "cooperation". Teach your children not to be embarrassed to ask for help. Read about it. You'll be shocked at what you learn and scared that you're learning it only now.
Remember not to deluge your kid with this information. Pace yourself and wait for teachable moments. Pulling into the parking lot at the mall with your daughter in the car? Problem solve aloud..."No, not parking here. Not safe to park next to a van with sliding doors"...the conversation will begin naturally. The experience of the event will be so much more powerful than you just telling her.
If your teenager has special needs or conditions that would help an officer to more accurately interpret your teen's behavior, make a business-size card with brief information about the condition along with phone numbers. Laminate it and remind your teen as to where it is from time-to-time. Make several of these and place a few of them in the car. Perhaps clipping it to the insurance card is a reasonable placement. My contact information has been on several of these cards. The police know me well and my no-nonsense approach helps them to make decisions about their "next step".
In my practice, I have several young men with high functioning autism (formerly Asperger's Disorder) who are now teenagers and who are driving. On one occasion of which I am aware, that little card kept a scary situation from becoming terrifying. Because those with autism tend to have larger amygdalas (the emotional control center), anxiety is a huge issue. Reducing the anxiety of this kind of event is critical to a healthy outcome. This is just common sense.
In my practice, I have several young men with high functioning autism (formerly Asperger's Disorder) who are now teenagers and who are driving. On one occasion of which I am aware, that little card kept a scary situation from becoming terrifying. Because those with autism tend to have larger amygdalas (the emotional control center), anxiety is a huge issue. Reducing the anxiety of this kind of event is critical to a healthy outcome. This is just common sense.
There's a remarkable website called If I Need Help. On that site, you'll find ways to keep your special needs family member safe. The safety items they offer have QR codes that can be read to reveal a great deal of information. One of the items that I think is helpful is the Custom Shoe Tag which comes in a variety of applications. They can be attached to lace-up shoes, velcro shoes and "tieless" shoes. Identification cards, "dog tags", ID patches for clothing, ID pins, key chains and window clings can be useful for your family member. Window clings notify first responders that there is a vulnerable person in the home.
On many occasions, I have recommended to parents of my moderately-to-severely disabled clients that they go to their local police station and talk with personnel there about the nature of the family member's disabilities. It's important to let them know if the family member is able to communicate or can move freely. Many communities have computerized systems that provide first responders with the critical information they need to protect life. If you explain that your family member cannot talk or walk and the department receives a 911 call from that location, all services need to be dispatched to the location.
You know me. My motto (actually, one of many) is to "control the controllable". Including your community's first responders is a big step toward that goal. Help them to help you.
TTFN, Claudia
You know me. My motto (actually, one of many) is to "control the controllable". Including your community's first responders is a big step toward that goal. Help them to help you.
TTFN, Claudia
