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THE DR. CLAUDIA SHOW-SHOW NOTES FROM 8-10-19

8/10/2019

Got a vaccination. A day later, I felt as though a truck hit me, but the show must go on! Next week, I promise not to be pale, fevered, achy and have the chills! Yikes.

Yep, just one note this week!

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

A Momma wrote in about her daughter going to middle school. She wanted to know how to let the teachers know about her IEP, Individualized Education Plan, and accommodations and really get them to pay attention to that without irritating them.

I told her that I'd post my blog post link for just how to accomplish just that. Even if your kid doesn't have special education needs, this is a great way to communicate those "what to look for" hints for teachers.

Your kid never has a second chance to make a good first impression.

See you next week on the radio!

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At DrClaudia.net, click on the "Ask Me" button and send me a question.

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HAPPINESS VERSUS SATISFACTION

2/6/2018

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Parents say they want their kids to be “happy”. When I ask what “happy” looks like, they go for the obvious, being healthy, having friends, a job they like. What they’re really saying is that they want their kids to be satisfied with life.

Considering the families into which we were born, our natural talent, our own progress, and luck, don’t forget luck, how are you doing? Have your wishes been fulfilled? What about your expectations of life? Are your needs being met?

Satisfaction seems to be the base over which episodes of happiness occur.

Happiness is an uptick in satisfaction. It’s unrealistic to be happy most of the time.

Take stock of “where” you are and make a plan to increase your level of happiness. Steady, small steps result in real progress.

What you learn about improving your own satisfaction will help you teach the kids to achieve happiness on their own. When you are satisfied with your life, your kids will feel more secure and know that an increased level of happiness is possible.

Claudia

Join me on Facebook at Dr. Claudia McCulloch

At drclaudia.net, click on the "Ask Me" button and send me a question.

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TRANSITIONING BACK TO SCHOOL AFTER BREAKS

8/18/2017

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Jeff’s anxiety starts to cook when it’s time to go back to school after summer break, holidays, even extended weekends. How can you make it easier for him?

If Jeff is moving on to another school, visit several times so he can get acquainted.

If a friend is going to the same school, invite him to go along. Arrange for them to travel together the first day, so Jeff will have someone to play with and have lunch.

When returning after a holiday break, ease into the routine by going to bed 15 minutes earlier every other night.

Organize his backpack and refresh supplies.

Plan for a special breakfast. Serve very small portions. Adrenaline may be dumping causing nausea. Keep it light.

Ask Jeff to identify any specific fears and review the plan if he has an emergency.

Having a plan is halfway to not needing one.

Give him a “secret object” that reminds him of home.

Use language such as, “I have confidence you can cope with this”. Don’t tell Jeff he’ll be fine. He may cope with the stress, but he won’t feel fine doing it.

If Jeff's separation anxiety does not resolve, consult with a pediatric psychologist about possibly underlying conditions such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder or to explore if "something" is going on at school that he can't tell you about.

Just do the best you can, Claudia

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HERE'S WHAT I TELL KIDS HEADED TO COLLEGE

7/15/2017

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I'm making this in list form so you can share. I've evaluated about 300 or so kids for accommodations in college. If they are at least 18, here's the list I give them before they take off.

You may not like what I have to say, but my job is to advocate for the health and well-being of the kids in my care. I can't live with the consequences of not giving them the information. Neither can you. No parent has ever been upset with me. Actually, several commented positively on having "someone else" tell the truth about what goes on. In 23 years of private practice, that's a pretty good record.

It's my impression that parents don't want to be questioned about their activity at college, so they may not cover the following topics with the emphasis that I do. It's also kinda creepy for them to talk to their kids about these topics and frankly, they don't know enough about them as I do because my kids tell me "stuff".

Also, their kids may not believe them. "After all, how would my parents know anything about this?" When I hear that kind of comment, I shake my head and laugh to myself. I guess the kids came about through "spontaneous generation".

I tell my kids that when I attended the University Florida, it was ranked as the #1 party school in the nation. It usually ranks in the top 10. I also tell them that I was a "scaredy cat" kind of girl and was just so gob-smacked about being there and was on scholarship, that I didn't want to take any chances. After watching people vomit all over the frat house lawns, I don't think I was missing much.

Yes, I would love it if everyone went to college and didn't experiment with sex, drugs and alcohol. I have to deal with reality. I can only hope that the family culture has "stuck" and that they conduct themselves consistently with that culture and "partake" less of the partying. I hope, at the very least, that it causes them to stop and think about what is in their best interest. I hope they stop and answer, for themselves, at least 1 of the following 4 questions.

Can I live with the short-term consequences?
Can I live with long-term consequences?
Is this healthy for me (physical, emotional, social, spiritual)?
What is this person's motivation for getting me involved in this?

The Social/Health/Safety Stuff

Boys lie. You're likely NOT the one. There are diseases out there now that can kill you. Use a condom or go home.

Girls lie. You're likely NOT the one and I might or might not have taken my birth control pills for the last week. I forget sometimes. There are diseases out there now that can kill you. Use a condom. You don't want to be a father at this time of your life. If the condom breaks, help problem solve the situation. Don't be a jerk and abandon her. Learn from it. Go with her to get the Plan B pill. Stay with her. Make sure's she's OK. You don't want to be THAT guy. If you're old enough to have sex, be mature enough to handle it. Sex is a very, very powerful event. Very powerful.

Know what to do if the condom fails because it's past the expiration date or you didn't put it on correctly because you were "in a hurry". Call a local pharmacy. Pharmacists know everything. Go to the student health center. They are likely to recommend the Plan B pill. The problem is not as immediate as you might think. You have about 72 hours to deal with the contraception issue. Don't trust the 72 hours, go NOW. If you're female, purchase it before you need it so you don't get nervous and jerky about the whole thing. You're an adult. You're responsible for your life now. Your whole life.

Know what to do if the condom fails and your partner "may or may not" have HIV, "I'm not sure". As for HIV, you'll need to go to the emergency room or call a doctor. There is a "morning after" treatment called "postexposure prophylaxis" or PEP. You're an adult now. You're responsible for your life. Your whole life.

Don't expect your partner to be there if "something" goes wrong. You get pregnant, you get herpes, you get gonorrhea, you get HPV (human papilloma virus), you get HIV. "Nuh, uh, it wasn't me"...Be responsible for yourself.

Did you (male and female) get the three HPV shots? Oh no? Wanna get oral cancer? Wanna get cervical cancer? Get the shots. If you think three shots are bad, wait till your hooked up to "jet fuel" (chemotherapy) after the doctor has removed most of your tongue. You're an adult. Be one.

Date a boy or girl once or twice and suddenly, they're in love and can't live without you? Don't even think about trying to handle this on your own, especially if s/he starts texting you/calling you/following you incessantly. This may be a part of the Borderline Personality Disorder. The situation won't get better on its own. Let them move onto someone else. As long as it's not you, I can't worry about it.

Have a crazy, drunken roommate who brings guys in and has sex with them all night? (A real situation in my practice.) Get out, get out now. Call anybody and everybody. Call me. I've got a great track record of "putting the fear of G-d" into university personnel to extricate you from these dangerous situations. The situation will not get better on its own. Once you are sexually assaulted or have a terrible scare, you can't rewind that clock. When folks are drunk out of their minds, they have no idea with whom they're having sex. They don't hear you when you scream in their ear. They just don't.

Don't want to see "intimate" videos of yourself with your partner all over the internet? "Engage" with your partner in your own room. You can be sure there are no hidden cameras there.

Somebody tries to be "too close, too fast". Watch it. Just because you go to school with them, doesn't mean they're healthy. Make them earn your trust. Someone who doesn't know you declares with surprise that s/he has the same likes, dislikes, beliefs. Uh oh.

Have your "refusal" skills ready. What are you going to say or do when...you need to get away from someone or out of somewhere? You really need to know who you can count on and it's not the friend who is the first one falling down drunk.

You should be able to enjoy a few drinks and not worry about your safety. That's not the real world. Girls, if you drink or use drugs, you're safety is immediately at risk. I wish it were different, but it isn't. Watch your drinks carefully to avoid being drugged. Purchase a container that snaps closed and keep it with you. Don't allow anyone to refill it...anyone. You just never know when your best friend will have a lapse in judgment on the way to get a refill.

Don't go to a group social event (frat party, etc.) without a friend or two. Keep tabs on each other. You are responsible for each other, especially before you get your "chops" as to who is around you and "what' goes on.

You've never lived with strangers before, especially this many strangers from all over the country and world. It's different now. It just is.

Don't take anything to college that means the world to you. It will disappear.

Don't advertise that you take medication and don't let anybody see you taking it. If so, "they're vitamins" or heart meds, whatever. Lock it up, especially antidepressants and stimulant meds. They're big sellers on campus. If you're taking medication, consult with your treating physician about the timing of taking your meds and partying. If you cause a medical emergency, you might be asked to leave school. Know the school's policy about conduct that can get you tossed out. It will be a life-altering experience, trust me.

Know where the health center is and their hours of operation.

Know how to reach campus police. Know where the emergency call boxes are located.

A college campus only feels safe. It's not really true. Predators are everywhere. Ask for an escort when going to your car or back to your dorm or anywhere if you feel unsafe, especially at night.

Don't post sexy selfies. This is a super great way to attract stalkers.

Post your location on social media once you've left the scene. Don't help people victimize you.

Head up and on a "swivel" when you're walking. Don't listen to music, Know who's around you. Don't become a victim of your phone.

Do I have to say to lock your doors even if you're going to be gone for a "sec"? How long does it take to snatch your backpack or handbag?

Tell your trusted person where you are going and when you are returning. Text them as a reminder. Text them when you are leaving. If you don't come home, the cops will know when you were at your last location. It's a big deal.

Take pictures, of your valuable items along and record the serial numbers in case they get stolen.

Keep your keys out as you approach your destination. Have your pepper spray, a light and a whistle handy. Scream "fire" if you're being attacked. Someone will act. People are afraid of fire. They may not care if you're being assaulted.

If you have a "cutesy" girl car with all kinds of "girl" stuff hanging from the rear-view mirror and a vanity plate that says "Susie" on it, a predator will know exactly which car to stakeout at the mall. [I learned this from a Florida State Trooper who scolded me for putting a plate on the front with my name.] Clear the stuff off the seats and put it in the trunk or a container with a top when you're in unfamiliar territory.

If you're headed out of a mall and you're concerned, take off at a trot and look as though you're on the run, so you're more of a "challenge" to someone watching you.

Listen to your instincts. If you don't like the "looks" of a person or a situation, trust your feelings. Instincts may save your life.

Academic

For the first trimester/semester/quarter, take the fewest classes that will make you a full-time student. Give yourself a chance to get accustomed to your setting. So much will be new that you have to divide your efforts in too many places if you take a demanding class load. Take a combination of easy and challenging classes. If you get sick, it will be very difficult to make up the work and the grades. Remember, there's nobody there to take care of you. You're doing it all.

You may think you have "so much time" because the classes are spaced out in such a way that you're not intensely busy every second of every day like you were in high school, but beware. "Time intoxication" is real. You're likely to think you have all kinds of time, but you don't. Assignments will sneak up on you. Professors don't care. They've heard it all. Assignments, usually, will be submitted online. If you wait to the last minute and "something" technological happens, you're doomed. Even if it's a legitimate "excuse", they're 99% not going to believe you!

Your grade may depend on two tests only...the mid-term and the final. Review your class notes 5 minutes for each class every night. That way, the information really sinks in and you stand a good chance of passing the test.

If you have accommodations, use them! Seek out the help of the Student Support Center if you have the slightest "whiff" that you're having a tough time. People are there to help you. They don't want you to fail. They'll lose tuition money!! You don't know what you don't know, so get in there, frequently, to make sure you're on track at least for the first half of the first year. You DON'T want to go home because you didn't judge the situation correctly.

Worried about going to a big school? Chances are, you'll be attending classes in just a few buildings. You can do it. Just take the first step. Be bold! Most other students are just as anxious as you are-yes, they are! Anxiety and excitement feel the same in the body. Figure out "what" you are feeling, but go anyway.

You're at college to go to college, after all. Take care of business!

Good luck...

TTFN, Claudia

Join me on Facebook at Dr. Claudia McCulloch

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BACK-TO-SCHOOL FOR HIGH SCHOOLERS

8/31/2016

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High school is big time. The stakes are big and the consequences can be life-altering. I describe these years as being "perilously wonderful" because finally, the age of true competition and coping skills has arrived. It's the time of "show us what you've got!"

During our August 18th segment on The Ranch, we talked about how high school is the time when your kids handle "the big ticket" items such as driving, dating, exploring their independence and they are expected to manage sports, academic and social tasks without a lot of interference from good old "mom and dad". It's their debut. It's your first chance to see how well they have mastered the skills you taught them...or thought you taught them.

High school is "show time" because their academic performance just might predict the trajectory of their future. If they are college-bound, picking the "right" classes, the "right" activities and getting that "right" GPA may determine which "tier" of college they'll be eligible for, but in reality, this is the least of your worries.

Why do I say this? Because it's true. I've had high school clients who I thought would be sitting in jail instead of a classroom end up in high prestige universities. When I worked with them, they had serious behavioral problems, horrible grades, substance abuse issues, you name it. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I got calls from them telling me that they had done well in community college with the accommodations based on the "old" testing I had done and needed an updated assessment in order to transition as a junior into major universities. What a wonderful relief to see that had survived "themselves".

Some kids need time and experience to mature. Some of them need a different setting with the proper support to realize they are smart and can do the work. Some of them need vocational programs to develop a skill and then, supplement that skill with business classes in order to build a plumbing empire. Oh, it has so happened this way!

Some kids have had sports or other injuries or have been sick. They may have experienced significant emotional trauma or life changes and struggled to manage academics as well as the adjustment to their "new lives".

I've had students who have been diagnosed with diabetes, cancer, brain tumors, traumatic brain injury and seizures. They've lost their homes, their parents, everything that meant anything to them and they just could not keep up. They should not have to suffer a lifetime of "less than" because of these situations. They can recover and go on and get the education of their dreams by attending community college, doing well and transferring to another university or college in their junior year.

Now, as for you parents. Hands off. Let them make their mistakes while they are still living at home. For every ounce of mistakes they make, they earn a ton of experience and judgment. Control your own anxiety. Let them get "out there" with reasonable approaches to developing trust. Understand "what" they are going through. Develop strategies to become a mentor and facilitator instead of a dictating parent. Don't expect your son to go to college and immediately know how to make healthy choices if he has not had practice in a semi-controlled environment. Your daughter won't learn about the safety issues associated with being a young woman if she doesn't ask the questions and get reasonable (that's "code" for non-hysterical) answers from you.

When they enter high school, get some basic understanding of the college requirements. Start a conversation with a local college counselor. Develop your list of questions and make phone calls. Do in-depth searches. Talk to other parents. Get a sense of realistic expectations before the senior year. Learn about the high-stakes testing and financial aid.

Look at how far all of you have come. This is just the next step. Have confidence in yourselves and your kids, the teachers, the friends, the coaches. Just do the best you can. TTFN, Claudia

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THE DR. CLAUDIA SHOW-SHOW NOTES FROM 8-10-19

HAPPINESS VERSUS SATISFACTION

TRANSITIONING BACK TO SCHOOL AFTER BREAKS

HERE'S WHAT I TELL KIDS HEADED TO COLLEGE

BACK-TO-SCHOOL FOR HIGH SCHOOLERS

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