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There are a lot of reasons for this and it's up to us girls to help them out. First, I pointed out that unless something changes in the process, that she'll continue to be disappointed. Second, I referred her to a blog post I wrote called Mind Reading Men that tells her the "why" behind the "what" and the steps she can take to make the holidays more enjoyable. No more disappointment!!
Perhaps he is offended by that kind of attention or feels that he doesn't deserve it. His personality style may be such that he doesn't rely on parental validating, but he enjoys the "authentic success".
Authentic success are those acknowledgments that come from "neutral" people who aren't interested in making you happy!! He's likely a resilient guy who has his own "gold standards".
Check out The Reward That Doesn't Reward.
Gargling with warm salt water really works. Why? The salt acts like a water magnet and pulls the excess fluid out of your throat's tissues and can help wash out the infection. Brilliant!
The recipe? 1/2 teaspoons of salt in one cup of warm water several times a day. I use one of our juice glasses (likely to be 8 ounces/1 cup) and a half of a tablespoon of salt along with a full tablespoon of white vinegar. The vinegar creates an acidic environment and makes it inhospitable for the virus and bacteria to breed. Just a thought. Ask your doctor.
To reduce the pain, keep your throat moist with lozenges, ice chips or popsicles. Having a vaporizer or humidifier helps, too.
I also use Neil Med Sinus Rinse. Both my ear, nose and throat doctor (an otolaryngologist) as well as my allergist told me about it years ago and we're very, very rarely sick anymore. It's all natural, needs to be used with distilled water (don't even think about using tap water) and has a great plastic bottle that lets you regulate the flow into your sinuses instead of being drowned by a neti pot (that's just my experience).
The combo of a flu shot, salt water gargle and NeilMed Sinus Rinse (pending your doctor's approval), just might improve your health this year!
Here's what's going on:
- 4 years old, diagnosed with speech, language and motor problems/delays.
- 5 years old, diagnosed with learning disabilities
- 8 years old, diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
- 11 years old, diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
- Was in special education
- Did not graduate from high school
- Not successful in getting a GED (high school equivalence certificate)
- Problems with math
- Goes into great detail about topics of her own interest (restrictive areas of interest)
- When younger, played obsessively with scarves, now has to have "crinkly" paper in her hand (repetitive behaviors and sensory disorders)
- Excellent vocabulary and shows "pockets" of brilliance
- Difficulty with social skills
- Misinterprets what is said to her
- Cannot advocate, protect or defend herself
- Vocational rehabilitation programs have not been successful
- Wants to be independent and work, but does not have the skills
- Parents can find no programs for her
- Daughter has been evaluated only in the public school setting, but when she was nearly 18 years old, parents had her evaluated by a private psychologist who suspected Autism
Helen wants to know what to do next...
- Contact Autism Speaks and attend a local chapter meeting.
- Ask the group about a speech and language therapist who can evaluate an adult for possible Social Communication Disorder*.
- Ask the group about a psychologist who can make the diagnosis of autism or rule it out.
- When I asked her to get a conservatorship, Helen indicated that it was already in place.
- Once the diagnosis of autism is made, Helen needs to apply immediately for Social Security Supplemental Income for her daughter. It's my experience that when diagnoses should have been made earlier, but weren't and the person should have been receiving SSI, there can be substantial "make up" payments.
- Parents should ask the Autism Speaks group about a special needs trust attorney who can help them plan for their daughter's needs once they can no longer care for her.
- Daughter needs an updated, comprehensive assessment. I referred Mother to an article I wrote about diagnosing autism called "This Is What It Takes To Diagnose Autism" which is geared toward younger clients, but represents the full assessment to determine intellectual, academic, processing skills (memory, speed, executive functioning skills), social-emotional and behavorial functioning). It's a template for parents.
*I don't really think this young woman has Social Communication Disorder because she has restricted areas of interest (talks about one subject in a monologue fashion) and because she has repetitive behaviors (Mother reported during the call that when daughter was younger, she played excessively with scarves and now, she has to have "crinkly" paper in her hands). which are hallmarks of Autism.
Nearly 1000 citizens with autism are turning 18 every day. There are very few resources available for the adult with autism. Groups of parents are coming together to create meaningful lives for their children with autism. One such group of parents created an amazing setting called 29 Acres.
But, you must know the exact profile of your child's strengths and weaknesses in order to avoid placement mistakes thereby creating more anxiety in their lives. Conduct the due diligence once the assessments are complete so that your efforts are rewarded.
Good luck out there!
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